Tuesday, December 31, 2013

To Dad

To Dad...

You are not here father
And I miss you dearly
Every second of your life
After my birth
You worried about me
You should have
For I was your oldest born son
I loved all the attention
Even though it made my life miserable

I am sorry for the worries I caused you
I couldn’t help it.
I have your DNA
More than anybody else’s
We still have a soul connection
You are in my dream, more than anybody else
You still try to protect me.
But you know better now
Even when you didn’t
You knew the answer
To any question better than me

The thing is:
Our souls, saw the truth differently
Reminds me when Shams says:
A chicken was sitting on me and gave me birth
But I was an egg from a duck.
You would walk with me to the edge of the creek
But I always wanted to jump to the River

You would have a rosary in your hand
With ninety nine pieces
You would repeat ninety nine names of God
Forgive me to say that.
He wasn't good enough to make it to a hundred?
Or a thousand?
Doesn't matter
You did well, very well indeed.
Even ninety nine is too much for me
You were talented
I can’t even make it to one.
I am shooting for zero
All the names are given by us
God forbid, who am I to name him
I am not his parent to give him a name
One or ninety nine
For, he has no parent
You know that now
After you joined him
That he is the Ultimate non-existent
And the non-existent one, doesn't have a name

Maybe that is why
You are consistently with me
Because you know you were right
But so was I, by not giving in
By saying:
Dear father
I love you more than my life
But No, I never believed on what you did
Yet still
I am eternally grateful
For  teaching me everything I know now
Including saying NO.

You still there
From the land of non-existence
You always prayed to the entity with ninety nine names
To protect me
You still interfere with the one who has no name
By coming and checking on me.
I was grateful than, I am grateful now
You did and do it for my good
After the creator
You were the closest thing to him
That helped in my creation.
Thank you dad.
I love you so much
Next to God with zero name
I always pray to you
See you in the land without space and time
In the nowhere-land of eternity

December 2013
All rights reserved
By Kabuli